Rick,
I walked to work in the rain today... I didn't call you when my shift was over...
It is hard to keep pretending that I am happy with how our relationship is..

• We are more like room mates/friends with benefits then a couple.. No matter what I try we berly spend time as a couple.  We hang out as friends sometimes... but you would rather spend time alone in your room with your computer. I have tried to talk to you about this but I get
  "Why should I change no one else does" .. Yeah that is going to make things better.. NOT.. Your comparing yourself to a Teen age boy that is so mature
  I get " I am not used to being a couple I am used to being alone" BUT you never do anything to change that... YOU KEEP IT AS IS>.. Unless your needing intimacy then you want to spend time with me.  
• You borrow money from bill money to buy what what ever ... BUT when you get money YOU NEVER PAY IT BACK...
• We cancelled the wedding.. You said to me " I will marry you but I wont live long since I am loosing insurance" HOW could I possibly ever marry you after you said that? I CAN'T.. So I call off the wedding to make your health better.. yet at the same time your smoking and doing things that make your health worst... YOU CARE about your health only when it came to marring me... IN MY MIND YOU DIDN'T want to marry me...

After I told you my issues your answer was to go through with the wedding... I told you that ship has sailed I would NOT be marring you.  You asked if that was forever.. I can't say FOREVER... but being that 

1. You wont tell Annette or your Mom that we got married... makes me feel like your ashamed of being my husband OR I am not worth the hassle they will give you.  
2. You don't want to spend time with me now... getting married wont change a damn thing... 
3. I have already planned three weddings I wont waste my time my energy or my emotions in planning another one.  

That ship as I said is sailed... In my mind I have to make plans being alone...
TO be honest I am contemplation moving out if I am going this alone I might as well do it alone.  YOU think I want someone else... YEAH as I have said a billion times I am NEVER putting my heart out there to be hurt again... I rather live the rest of my life alone.  This whole being in LOVE thing SUCKS dog shit.  

Hi Rick,
I knew it would happen.. The wedding has been canceled, Why? because to go through with it would mean that you would loose your medical.  You never REALLY wanted to do this anyway.. though you said you would never resent me I know you would everytime you got sick... How can I marry you when you say.. We can get married but know that I am going to die sooner then later because of it.  REALLY? you know putting it that way I would back out.. YOU KNEW THAT!! I think you were looking for a way to back out anyway.  Not like we spend time as a couple.  You block me at every turn.
I am probably going to quit my job too.  WHY work it just messes up your perfect rainbow and unicorn life.
You got mad at me because I was sad the wedding was off.. LOL you wanted me to be happy about it.. what a joke.

Rick vent letter

Hello Rick,

...........................................................Venting Letter..............................................................................

To my surprise we did pick up our marriage licence on Friday as you said we would.  Now lets see if you follow through with the rest of us.  To be honest I don't feel like a couple.  We don't spend time as a couple. we are more friends who hang out then a couple.  Sure we have sex from time to time when you want it that is.  But most the time you would rather be alone.  I often think you should marry yourself since that is the only one your happy to be around.
I don't like how you talk about Cody.  For all intense of purposes he is a normal teenage boy who never does his chores.  Is that a bad thing  yes... should he get away with it no.  That said you would never be ok with me talking about your mother with the venim in which you talk about Cody on a daily basis to me.  WAY NOT COOL.
You got a new phone yesterday.  I think it would have been more fair that I got the better phone first.  Since you owe me so much money.  However that is not how you role.  You come first most the time.  Every once in a great while you surprise me and are not that way but more often then not.
 I am sure if you are REALLY reading this your throwing a fit.  WHAT EVER... you hate when your mom does that and yet you do it ALL THE DAMN TIME
Your still smoking... WOW big shock huh!! Every damn day you say this is the last day that your cutting down that your going to do it.  EVERY DAMN day you buy another pack of smokes... complain that your mom steals some of them.  and blame my son for your smoking when you were smoked the entire time he was not here ... oh wait then it was Tyler's fault... It is YOUR fault you smoke... There is ALWAYS stress... Everyone has to grow a set and learn better ways to deal with it.  YOU SMOKE because you DO NOT WANT TO REALLY QUIT.
Just like you don't REALLY want to spend time with me just like you REALLY don't want to change anything I am supposed to change while you stay the same... oh wait that is right YOUR RICK it is supposed to be that way.