Rick,
I walked to work in the rain today... I didn't call you when my shift was over...
It is hard to keep pretending that I am happy with how our relationship is..

• We are more like room mates/friends with benefits then a couple.. No matter what I try we berly spend time as a couple.  We hang out as friends sometimes... but you would rather spend time alone in your room with your computer. I have tried to talk to you about this but I get
  "Why should I change no one else does" .. Yeah that is going to make things better.. NOT.. Your comparing yourself to a Teen age boy that is so mature
  I get " I am not used to being a couple I am used to being alone" BUT you never do anything to change that... YOU KEEP IT AS IS>.. Unless your needing intimacy then you want to spend time with me.  
• You borrow money from bill money to buy what what ever ... BUT when you get money YOU NEVER PAY IT BACK...
• We cancelled the wedding.. You said to me " I will marry you but I wont live long since I am loosing insurance" HOW could I possibly ever marry you after you said that? I CAN'T.. So I call off the wedding to make your health better.. yet at the same time your smoking and doing things that make your health worst... YOU CARE about your health only when it came to marring me... IN MY MIND YOU DIDN'T want to marry me...

After I told you my issues your answer was to go through with the wedding... I told you that ship has sailed I would NOT be marring you.  You asked if that was forever.. I can't say FOREVER... but being that 

1. You wont tell Annette or your Mom that we got married... makes me feel like your ashamed of being my husband OR I am not worth the hassle they will give you.  
2. You don't want to spend time with me now... getting married wont change a damn thing... 
3. I have already planned three weddings I wont waste my time my energy or my emotions in planning another one.  

That ship as I said is sailed... In my mind I have to make plans being alone...
TO be honest I am contemplation moving out if I am going this alone I might as well do it alone.  YOU think I want someone else... YEAH as I have said a billion times I am NEVER putting my heart out there to be hurt again... I rather live the rest of my life alone.  This whole being in LOVE thing SUCKS dog shit.